Thursday, June 19, 2008

Worst Album Covers Ever

A long slideshow feature, but worth it. From the South Florida Sun-Sentinel.

1. Cody Matherson – Can I Borrow a Feelin’? … And Lazy Eye Therapy
2. Roger … He gets bonus points for using the word “facet”
3. Orion Reborn … I’m pretty sure that’s Lyle Waggoner in disguise
4. The Frivolous Five – Sour Cream and Other Delights … I think there’s a dirty joke about “sour cream” in there somewhere
5. Harry and Terry Live … I hate ventriloquist dummies
6. The Handless Organist … At least she’s smiling, or is that a grimace?
7. Have Harp, Can’t Travel … As if the harp isn’t already the most difficult instrument to transport, let’s make the little person carry it
8. Les Baxter – Space Escapade … Judging by everyone’s smiles, maybe it should be called “Space Sexcapade”
9. Bathroom Baritones, Bathing Beauties … I’m sure everyone had a record player in their bathroom in the 1950s
10. Merrill Womach … not just an organist, but an undertaker, too. And he has a MySpace page!
11. Truckers Dream … every girl’s dream
12. Skidrow Joe … I think the name says it all
13. The Braillettes – Our Hearts Keep Singing … Worst. Name. Ever. for a musical act
14. Weela Gallez … I hate monkeys even more than I hate ventriloquist dummies
15. Don & Seymour … I’d like to see more of Don
16. Manfred Sings Love Songs – With a New Accent … I think every artist should put out an album using a different accent at least once
17. Cajun Music – This one actually looks fake (apparently not – he’s the king of Louisiana rockabilly)
18. Little David Wilkins … If only Chris Farley was still alive, this a SNL sketch waiting to happen
19. Rick McKnight – Free Indeed! … from jail, I’m guessing
20. Organ and Firelight … I don’t want to see anyone’s organ by firelight
21. Chicken Coupe de Ville – this one looks fake, too (wrong again – thanks, MySpace!)
22. Music for Dreaming … Last night, I had this dream where I was a giant sleeping in the snow. Then I rolled over and crushed an Alpine village.
23. Wayne & Charlie – Rapping Dummy … I’d actually like to hear this one, but only if he says the word “dummy” in Fred Sanford’s voice
24. The Incomparable Steve Warren – Reflection … literally
25. The McKeithen’s … featuring The Great Gazoo
26. Slim Goodbody - The Inside Story … Hey, don’t mess with Slim Goodbody (the only artist I’ve actually heard of on this list)
27. “Happiness” with Ron Johnson … Because “Happiness’ should always be spelled in a creepy, bloody Halloween font
28. Drums and More Drums … I’m laughing too hard to think of an octopus joke.
29. OK, that made me stop laughing. I’m too frightened to even think of something funny to say.
30. Disco Tango – No thank you, Tommy Seebach
31. Joyce … I didn’t know Dorothy Michaels released an album under a pseudonym
32. ET – Best Friends … Rick James wannabe or lovable alien?
33. Ali and His Gang vs. Mr. Tooth Decay … I bet this was a big hit in its day (and only the second name I recognize)
34. The Electric Amish – A Hard Day’s Work … You’d think they would play acoustic guitar
35. Jonah Jones – I Dig Chicks … And I use the most literal imagery I can find for my album covers to hide my homosexuality
36. John Bult – Julie’s Sixteenth Birthday … Also known as the day John went to jail
37. Anchor’s Away … this one isn’t that bad, since pirates are back in style
38. Gary Dee Bradford … The record company didn’t want to spend any money on album artwork, so they just used his school picture
39. I couldn’t read the title of this one, something about rainbows, but it looks more like it should be about nightmares
40. Understand Your’e Swede – Even if you disregard the misplaced apostrophe, this title still doesn’t make sense
41. Thank You for the Dove … that just pooped in my hand
42. Superman – Every Night and Day … in bed
43. The Best of the Singing Postman … The Cryptkeeper Postman!
44. Country Church … They look like they would be fun to hang out with
45. All My Friends are Dead … In the category of morbid death story songs, this beats “Last Kiss” hands down
46. Happy Louie, Julgia and the Boys … Only Louis is happy because he’s the only one getting it on with Julgia
47. Mike Terry – Live at the Pavilion Theatre … pre sex change operation
48. Moscow Nights – no one ever had that much fun in Moscow
49. Foster Edwards’ Orch. … Who abbreviates orchestra on an album cover? (I’m avoiding the obvious elephant in the room joke.)
50. Ken – By Request Only … Steve Warren could have used this cover (see #24)